By Ashley Kim

“My life’s been turned upside down,” my friend laments.  “His,” she continues, speaking of her husband, “has changed about 70%–maybe not even that much.” I didn’t tell her I’d had similar thoughts.  That I’d come to the conclusion that, especially in those first few months of our daughter’s life when I was consumed by the endless cycle of nursing, napping and diaper changing, a saggy skinned shadow of my former self, my husband’s life seemed about as changed as if we’d gotten another dog—“maybe not even that much.”

Twenty-five years ago with two young children and in an attempt to up the percentage of change in my father’s life, or more accurately, to change my father, my mom composed a kind of self-improvement to-do list for my dad.  Among the 10 or 12 items on it were “quit smoking,” “go places as a family,” “nutritious food for the kids,” and “more equitable division of housework.”  Today, amongst other treasures on the top of his chest of drawers, my dad still keeps the list because, he says, he’s still working on it.  While he did “quit drinking” when I was in my early teens and has been allowed to cross off “read to Chipper,” since my little brother, now a member of the Virginia Bar Association, is presumably able to read to himself, the list has remained largely ignored.
Read More »