The Neon Button

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012 in Stories

By Sue Muncaster

Subject: Nathan sent you a message on Facebook…

Date: April 21, 2010 5:09:12 PM MDT

Hi-Am I out of line by saying hi? I just wonder what your life is like now. Your boy is adorable.

I’m jolted out of my afternoon solitude like I’d just taken my eyes off the icy road to see a UPS truck stopped right in front of me. A silent shiver slithers down my spine, followed by a gush of warm blood that floods my extremities.

5:14:33 PM MDT

It might be safe…I checked you out a year ago when I first joined Facebook. I’m 46 with a 16 month-old baby boy, so life is…crazy. I was near you just last weekend. My mom had a stroke so I visit often. I live on the east side of the Tetons now. I saw eight black wolves cross a snowy meadow while hunting this fall. Life here suits me better. I thought of you recently when I heard Alanis Morisette on the radio screaming “Jagged Little Pill.” My daughter (7) thought she sucked, ha ha. xo

5:21:02 PM MDT

Oh God, I feel like I can see you again through your words. I don’t fit in here either anymore. I just want to go live in the woods. Luke is a freshman at Santa Barbara. Remember playing volleyball there? Sean is in 10th grade. Sorry, I totally stalked you. OK, now I’m going to ask you to be my Facebook friend…are you ready?

Buried memories fly around my brain, willy-nilly like a flock of sparrows returning home in the spring. My legs tingle with memories of hot summer days spent diving for volleyballs in the sand, the brush of his left bare foot on mine and the salty taste of sweat on his calloused hands. Living in a Colorado ski town, adrenaline was our drug of choice; our affair fueled our addiction.

5:27:18 PM MDT

I guess we’ll have to be friends to find out. Is that a FOX snowmobile-racing shirt you are wearing?

5:29:45 PM MDT

That’s a (hold your breath)…mountain bike shirt. I’ve been riding a bunch. I like the racing because they have Clydesdale divisions (200 lbs plus). 13 years. Seems like yesterday. I remember very well the… Stop!

Nathan’s 6’5” sinewy frame fills my head and I struggle to shake it out. I don’t trust myself.

5:32:27 PM MDT

Careful…remember what happened…God, it’s nice to feel my heart pound from something other than skate skiing.

The pain of our discovery starts to creep in—the 1997 Motorola “flip” cell phones that connected us in the days, hours, weeks we were apart. The dead silence one day when I answered his call—a simple trick by his wife. His marriage survived with the help of a pair of strawberry blonde boys in search of snails and worms. I moved to New Zealand in search of class five whitewater.

5:34:55 PM MDT

My heart rate has been about 160 since you replied.

Mine too. While I wait for his reply I fill a mason jar with Chardonnay. Heading back to the computer I hear the familiar grumble of the garage door opening. I throw on some Crocs and go out to help get the kids out of the car before my husband parks inside where sleds and ice climbing gear fill every spare nook.

As I nuzzle my 17-month-old son’s fuzzy, warm neck, he holds out his finger and shouts “butt, butt, butt.” I hold him up and help his little finger find the neon button on the wall. As the garage door closes on the sleet outside, we shuffle in to the warmth of the wood stove and the smell of lamb curry simmering in the crock-pot. While the boys kick off their boots, I sneak away and quickly click “delete friend request” before gently closing my laptop.

Sue Muncaster is a freelance writer, food activist, adventurer, mom and founding editor of Teton Family Magazine. She writes to inspire herself and others to live more sustainable and fulfilling lives. Her blog can be found at www.ecogastronomy.org and Teton Family Magazine can be read online at www.tetonfamilymagazine.com.