By Jennifer Slayden
When my oldest child was born it rocked our world. Lavish attention rained down upon him, as with most firstborn children. Abundant tears splashed my cheeks when I had to return to work six short weeks after I have fallen in love. So much that I added a huge commute to my work day to drive him rain, sleet, and sunshine to another town because my best friend owned a daycare and I trusted her more than anyone else in the world.
Perhaps that created a natural tendency for my firstborn child to like to be in control, since I recognize that I wanted control as a newborn mother. That trait in me has dissolved since my two other children were born, sometimes to the point of hilarity. I thrive in the chaos, the swirling of schedules; plunking, bowing, strumming and banging on instruments that makes my house sound like an orchestra warming up before a concert; the piles of laundry that irritate me but sit idle because it is more important to go play a game of PIG outside; and the family dinners where my husband and I slowly extract information from the tight lipped teenage boy we named Riley.
Riley, in all the chaos, is our organized one. His room is usually picked up without me having to ask. He rearranges furniture every other week and likes his hair short. He occupies himself for hours on a project because he has remarkable patience and perseverance.
When we bought him his first unicycle in second grade he spent hours across the road at Grandma Vonnie’s house each day after school. He would get out the sidewalk chalks and mark his progress in rotations and distance until one day he rode the unicycle to their garage. After that it was common for him to ride it the mile to school, with his backpack on and cars staring in surprise or honking hello as they passed. Years later he still encompasses that same frame of mind, working hard in school, in music, and learning to ski so well that I will now only join him for his warm up runs.
My oldest brother, Art, had the same drive. From a young age he was tearing apart radios and electronics and figuring how to put them back together. When I was in high school he worked for a TV/phone repair shop. I thought he was the coolest thing ever when he connected a line in my room that my parents couldn’t hear my conversations! Art later went on to a successful career at Micron as an engineer. My siblings recall Art being the ringleader of the neighborhood.
“Art was the DJ that taught us Queen, Jesus Christ Superstar, Elton John Funeral for a friend. When parents were gone little did they know that AJ’s stereo was pumping out tunes at 150 db………..perhaps he did that to drown out the fights?”
Art had three children of his own, and now has four grandchildren. He is seeing the firstborn syndrome coming out in future generations but says as an adult his oldest daughter and him “don’t really care to dwell on our youthful omnipotence (we have mellowed much!”).
Riley is reliable, funny, and so respectful of others. But this is where it gets confusing. In all my children I see traits of firstborn, middle child and the baby of the family. Riley is very musical, and creativity is not usually very common in firstborn children. Cade is super bossy as the youngest, and Grace doesn’t display the competitive title that the textbooks say are a trait of the middle child.
This all leads me to believe that birth order may be important, but it certainly isn’t everything. I am holding out hope that the way I mother, the environment that I surround my children in, and my willingness to let their complex and creative spirits and minds grow without boundaries will determine their direction in life more so than their birth order.
After all, one of Riley’s favorite people in the world is Steve Martin. He’s funny, musical, creative, very driven, plays the banjo, and majored in philosophy in college. Riley has always been very philosophical, musical, funny, creative, and driven. But Riley is firstborn, and Steve Martin is the baby of his family. And with life wide open, perhaps Riley will display a firstborn trait and boss his way up onto stage someday to play the banjo with his hero.
Duelin’ sibs play Duelin banjos!
This is Part 3 of 3 on the series of Birth Order. Check out the other two parts below:
Part 1: Birth Order- being the baby
Part 2: Birth Order-mystery middle child
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Wow! First–I’m not sure I believe in the whole birth order theory at all, so I’m not surprised you see traits in your second and third that “should” be in your first because I see the same with my sisters and my own children. Second, great video! Those are two very talented tween/teens.
Thanks Jenna. Ya, I’m not sure I buy it either, but there are definitely SOME traits that will always stick out in all my kids that will keep me blaming it on birth order:)
Thanks for stopping by! I will tell G and R…they were dueling about getting onstage together, hence the look (from far away at least) on Grace’s face!
Hopefully someday they will appreciate it!
I’ve always been sort of facinated with birth order. I’m number four out of five and the ‘rules’ somewhat applied in my family growing up. However, my firstborn are twins who have a younger sibling and I’m never sure just which one of the three functions as firstborn! I love and agree with your second to last paragraph: Parenting and environment make the difference. Also…Steve Martin is one of my all time favorite people too…for all the same reasons. Margaret
Margaret,
How interesting about the oldest! And number four of five in your family, I am wondering if you felt more like a youngest or middle child?
Steve Martin rocks. I am glad my son thinks so too, when there are a lot of bad examples of mentors out there, he remains such an inspiration in so many ways!
Thanks for your comment.
Jen
“When my oldest child was born it rocked our world.” PERFECT way to describe it. Thanks for sharing!
…..and he STILL is rockin’ our world….but more with his music these days!
Thanks Melissa!
Love,
Jen
LOVE the video! Way to go Riley and Grace! You got the crowd stompin along!
Thanks Jennifer. I’m glad that someone branched away from Taylor Swift and Justin Beeber! I guess my kids HAD to do it:)
Love,
Jen
Okay now that was just reallllly enjoyable! Now I’ll be hummin that the rest of the night, thank you! lol. I also enjoyed reading the whole post over again while it was playing… kinda cool! Lovely music and lovely words!
Thanks Sheila!!
Hard not to get that Duelin’ Banjo out of your head, huh? I love it, but sometimes I have to say…
“Riley, mute it!!”
Love,
Jen
Riley spoiled you and also set the bar pretty high for the middle and youngest in the family. How do you, as the youngest in a family of seven, compare or rate yourself visa vie your youngest child?
Hmmm…hard question dad! I think I am somewhere in between oldest, middle and youngest….a mix of all three.
And you are right…Riley has set the bar very, very high. We are very proud of him, and I will need to be making sure i don’t compare the other two to him…a constant battle as a parent!
Now I get it…..
Love,
Jenny
Jen,
What a GREAT video!!!
Hmmm…birth order… I have three of these little munchkins, too (well…not so little anymore!). I know that how I’ve “been” with each of these kids is certainly different – and their birth order played a role. It played a role in that – with our first, he was just that – our first. And by that, things were much more “by the book” (maybe not the right book…) (ha!!) And by the time our third was born (and has grown), it’s been much more loosely “what feels right”. So, they have different experiences just based upon their birth order (wonder how much that affect its???).
And…awesome job with the unicycle!!!!
Darn, Taylor Swift is actually looking warmer as well as hotter this more mature the girl gets. Not quite smoking sizzling, but however.