By Jen Slayden
I don’t mean to do it…..really I don’t! But try as I might, I continue a trait that millions of women around the world have done for years before me and probably will continue to do for years after I am gone: babying my youngest child.
I am the baby myself. It doesn’t really matter than I am 43 years old. When my large family gets together we tend to regress into childhood tenancies of birth order. So even though it might be in grown-up form, it is still a temper tantrum. The fact remains, when I am tattling on my older siblings for picking on me it is a sadistic need for attention. The baby is always the baby. No wonder we choose carefully who attends our family reunions!
My eight year old son, Cade, is no exception. He has a remarkable ability to still throw fits that mimic a two-year old, and a clever ability to tell the story from his perspective–which means it was either his older brother or sister’s fault, making his favorite t-shirt the one that has the logo “blame my sister.”
The fact that I know this, and he gets away with it, is both amusing and frightening. Do I avert my eyes because we have similar personalities? Are our similar personalities due to the fact that we are the youngest? Do I need to set up that account for therapy alongside his college savings account?
Cade cracks us up. He has pined for attention since day one. He has a wicked sense of humor and a quick wit. The other night, when he couldn’t sleep he yelled out to me, saying:
“Mom, do you have a picture of a whole bunch of sheep?”
Cade making his debut appearance with the family band last weekend....
Sometimes he speaks before he thinks. That reminds me of myself, who has worked for years to undo that habit of blabbering before my brain thinks through the consequences.
My worst memory of this was an incident that my two siblings closest in age, Kati and Mike, talked about just recently. The three of us out of the seven children are labeled the “little kids”. The oldest four in our family are the “big kids.” It doesn’t matter how old we are, the titles will forever be etched into our family. Anyway, I digress.
Kati, Mike and I were all sitting around the dinner table one night. Kati’s friend Sarah had joined us, like many nights when we took in extra mouths to feed. We were having a lively discussion about names. My dad, whose name is Richard, informed me that my name “Jenny” has an interesting definition. A Jenny is a cross between an ass and a mule, and well known for being stubborn.
Dad looked at me and said:
“So don’t be a Jenny, Jenny!”
I didn’t miss a beat. I should have thought, taken a minute to respond, but no….. it slipped out before I had a chance to process what I was going to say.
“Well don’t be a Dick, dad.”
It so happened that Sarah was taking a gulp of milk at the time. If you have never seen a milk shower, it is quite fascinating. White rain spewed across the table onto Mike and Kati. There was a brief moment of stunned silence and then laughter from teenagers mixing in with mortification from the tween who talked before she thought.
As for my dad, I don’t remember. There weren’t any words spoken. My mom loves when people laugh, so she joined in, I believe oblivious to the nature of the outburst. Now as an adult, I can blame it on birth order. After all, Howard Stern and Jay Leno were last born children too!
Not one of my proudest moments but of course, but being the baby of the family, I don’t remember being punished. As I watch Cade interact with his older brother and sister I see myself. I know I need to break the cycle, but it is hard. I am holding on to his youth, knowing that he is my last child, and this will be true at eight or at forty-eight. He will always be my baby and probably always get away with some things he shouldn’t because I think he is cute.
I guess now is the time to say sorry to my siblings for all the events I blamed on them and they got grounded, spanked, or loaded up with chores because of me. But of course, I know they will forgive me. After all, I am the baby of the family, and I still call the shots!
Giving someone an earful at 8, sporting the same cut as my now 8 year old son!
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I have to send this to Sarah! It is her birthday today so a nice gift! Don’t be a Jenny and I won’t be a Kati! HA!
What is a Kati by the way? I don’t think we ever finished the conversation all those years ago:)
I was (AM!!) a “middle child” ….but also the oldest girl…..there is no question in my mind that birth order made a difference in my life!
My youngest sib (of 7), and I have spoken often about the effects of being the sib that “followed” the over-achieving” older sibs….. pigeon holed before you even got out of the gate by teachers and others who might not be able to look with fresh eyes upon the real-life-original before them.
Let’s face it, we humans make alot of assumptions about the world around us…partly because life is so busy we don’t always have the time or energy to “hold” everything that is impinging on our brains! As you say, we also continue behaviors that get rewarded…….and there is a “culture” to each family…….
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences Jen. It gives me a moment to reflect on my own origins.
hugs
Beth
Beth, I can sympathize with your younger siblings…depending on the teacher I would hear “are you (so and so’s) sister? It depended on which one they mentioned whether I would hesitate to say yes or no:)
Don’t worry…I’ll be talking about the middle and oldest children in my next two posts:) Stay tuned!
xo
Jen
I was an only child for 10 years, but now have several siblings. How fun for me to get the best of both worlds! I can’t even imagine being the youngest of such a large family–I’ll bet it those roles are deeply ingrained.
Love the pic!
I can’t imagine being the only child THEN having siblings….a whole different set of challenges, I’m sure!
I am glad you liked the picture. I always thought that I looked a little like David Letterman when I was that age….(probably not a good thing!)
Thanks for stopping by….
Jen
I am the younger of two and my husband is the older of two- so we are hoping we can relate to our two daughters when there are issues and sibling rivalry in the coming years. For now, my husband always makes sure the older one gets special time with mom and dad without the baby around and I always make sure that the baby doesn’t get left behind.
LOVE your quick wit regarding the comment to your dad! I said something similar to a teacher in high school and wound up in the principal’s office!!
Melissa,
That works out well for you with you and hubby! My husband and I are BOTH youngest children. The first few years of marriage when we were trying to decide something simple like where to go for dinner it always was:
“I don’t know….where do YOU want to go?” I finally decided we needed to take turns stepping it up and becoming more authoritarian!lol
Love your idea of the breaking up the special time for the kids….something we do and that is even more important as they get older!
Thanks for the smiles:)
Jen
Love it! I am the oldest, my sister is the middle and my brother is the youngest. We call him “The Golden Child”. I think that pretty much sums it up. It’s nice to hear that it’s not just my family. Thanks Jen!
The “golden child” That is funny, and sadly true for many of us. Although there were things that weren’t so golden….like all the hand-me-down clothes that weren’t in style! lol
It will be interesting to have you read the one about “oldest children” in a few weeks!
Thanks for stopping by Jen:)
Jen
lol, great post! I was always the oldest and I think there is something to the pecking order. The oldest is the experimental child and sets the tone. By the time the youngest comes they have it easier, lol.
My gosh, your son and my son sound like the same person, smart, quick wit, — it was really amazing when I read that!
Sheila,
You are right….the “experimental child” does set the tone! My oldest siblings “broke them in” in a way.
By the time I rolled around my parents weren’t really surprised by much:)
The easier part? Not so sure on that one….each placement has its pros and cons, I think. Stay tuned in the next week as I write about “middle children” and “oldest children!”
Jen
Jen,
Okay – I *love* the pictures!! Family band – how cool!!!
As I think about my own kids, the two older ones always think that our youngest is getting away with something. And truthfully, we are definitely more relaxed with him than we were with either of the other two at the same ages. Part of that – we’ve been there, done that, followed the book (wait: is there a book??), and now we’re just winging it (wow – now you’re probably wondering what kind of parenting skills I have, if any!!!). And that other part – he’s our youngest – and I think about wanting him to stay young (i.e. he no longer holds my hand as we walk down the street…and I remember that. Yet, I don’t remember the stopping of that with the older two…)
Anyway. Young one (that’s you!). Happy milking of your birth position!!!
Lance,
There’s a book?? If you’re hiding it, I want to read it…I’ll pay BIG bucks!!
So true, what you say, about the winging it and the wanting the youngest to stay young. I guess I need to practice a little more of the letting go (hand-holding!)
Thanks….I WILL milk it…but I’ll wait till the next family reunion. I actually try to act grown up in my real life:)
Love,
Jen
Jen,
Hahahahahaha!!!
Me too – I “try” to act grown up in real life, also (although my wife seems to think quite the opposite!!).
(…off to put on my teenage mutant ninja turtle outfit before I head out for the day…)
Love and {cookies and milk},
Lance
I was pretty amused when you let loose that don’t be such a d*ck! What a gutsy baby sister! Now, can you explain to the folks the difference between a “tiger mom” and a “cougar”? That could be entertaining!
-big bro
Art,
If I only had such snappy comebacks in college when it would have served me better:)
I think I’ll leave any further education to you, oh oldest and wisest!!!
Jenny
Of the surviving kids, you were, as you pointed out, the last one, no.7. Did you know that mathematically 7 is a perfect number and also a prime number? And, in a biblical context, . it represents completion? So does that make you a perfect, prime, and complete person? If you had known about these things, you may have claimed them But, personally, that may have done violence to the world of mathematics. Go figure!
Wow dad….who knew?
I will pass on the perfect, I am working on getting to my prime (still trying to figure out what to be when I grow up) and the complete? Well, that one I finally feel pretty good about!
And…..29 years later, I apologize for being so sassy! Forgive me, oh mathematician and wise loving father?
I was an only until age 16 (raised by grandparents) then was the oldest of 5.
Weirdly, with my mom, it wasn’t the youngest that got the slack, it was the youngest boy. He got away with crap that none of us girls would’ve even attempted. Still now, at 33, he’s the one that requires (according to Mom) special consideration as he’s just so ‘sensitive’. His wife calls BS on that one, as do his 3 sisters. So, yeah, def the golden child, but not the youngest. Our baby sister (28 in August) is the most together, responsible one of the bunch. The youngest, and probably the least babied. Mom was kinda done with the whole kid thing when she got surprised by Hannah, so Hannah was kinda more left to her own devices, and spent a lot of time with me and my husband and kids. She’s freaking amazing, and I adore her. Oldest and youngest, the two that share are the different-dad bookends to the middle three who share a father and a face. The two “Pete-kids” (though different Petes). Different shades of the same color, the two fire signs among water. Yeah, she rocks!
My brother’s still a pain.