By Nici Holt Cline
We heaved our family into the Subaru and headed west last Friday. We followed the bends of I-90, driving through spilled ponderosa shadows. The larch were on fire and the sky blazing blue. It felt so familiar: the view, the colors and smells. We did this same drive at the same time of year three years ago, my belly round with Margot, the back seat completely empty. And now my seat belt is visible and the backseat holds our two daughters, separated by a water bottle, glitter sunglasses, a really old banana peel, an elmo dvd case, two coffee cups, a sock, a diaper, several dozen cheerios and a half-eaten fig bar.
Three years ago Andy and I drove to Seattle for a trip dedicated to the delicate space immediately before we had our first baby. We looked at art for long periods of time without distraction and ate long, slow meals at really great restaurants. We slept in. We stayed at a super hip, contemporary hotel with a mirrored wall that rotated to reveal a giant white and chrome bathroom. We ambled along the waterfront, through the sculpture garden, sought out the best coffee shops. We talked about baby names, wondered what labor would be like. Asked each other what they were afraid of and most excited for. We watched my belly erupt with the long, strong movement of a baby in a cramped home.
Oct 2007: we pondered the ocean for as long as we wanted
Last weekend we journeyed to Spokane to meet with a gallery director who is interested in exhibiting my husband’s paintings. We chose our hotel because it had a pool and was within walking distance to the carousel and duck pond. We ate a fabulous Greek spread out of styrofoam containers while we huddled, at Margot’s excited insistence, in the valley between the two queen beds in our hotel room. We bundled our kids into the stroller and laughed through the park stopping frequently to observe geese and identify orange leaves. When we toured the director’s private art collection, we simultaneously lassoed kids. Andy and Ruby yawned around the hotel lobby from 3:30-6am while I spooned Margot who spooned her diapered pink bear.
Oct 2010: we have approximately 173 photos of our daughters with this goose
The same car with the same driver and passenger at the same time of year over the same mountain passes. The view out the windshield nearly identical and the view in the rear-view mirror wholly different.
I remember the drive home from Seattle. The soundtrack was enthusiastic conversation, fueled by our oxygenating vacation. There were silent, pensive spaces. We listened to Radiohead, Lucinda Williams and Pearl Jam.
The drive home from Spokane was so loud. I spent most of it balancing awkwardly on my hip between the girls, my feet perched atop the mountain of water bottles, books and small animals, my boob stretched over the hard plastic car seat to my baby. The soundtrack was Ruby’s pleads to GET OUT of the car, Margot singing Feist on repeat and flipping right out over train after train. Andy and I had broken conversation and many shared looks of amusement. The music isn’t too different. We haven’t had much time to explore new bands in the last three years. I now understand why my parents listened to Stevie Wonder and Fleetwood Mac in the 90s, as if they were hot off the vinyl.
I think back on that trip three years ago with such fondness. It was tender and loving. And I know I’ll look back on this trip with the same kind of affection. We are like larch trees. Lit like candles for a hot second before shedding everything we know, moving through an unpredictable season, relying on our roots, regrowing armor and discovering what comes next.
A fourth generation Montanan raising a fifth, Nici Holt Cline is a mama to Margot and Ruby, wife, gardener, crafter and runner who loves to write and take photos. She writes regularly on her popular blog dig this chick. You can read “Mama Digs” every Monday exclusively at www.mamalode.com. Read more of Nici’s mamalode articles here.
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FROM~looking at art for long periods of time without distraction.long, slow meals, contemporary hotels w/ mirrored walls TO~ a backseat that holds two daughters, water bottles, glitter sunglasses, banana peels, an Elmo dvd case, coffee cups, a sock, a diaper, cheerios and a half-eaten fig bar, & choosing a hotel because it had a pool and was within walking distance to the carousel and duck pond….it’s all good! I love the view in your rear-view mirror!
A GREAT article!
xo
ps….I wasn’t sure if your last photo was indeed a photo or one of Andy’s painting….maybe his next subject…I’ll buy it!
I can’t wait to see the other 172 photos of the kids and goose. Iove the visuals that come to me when I read this post. Wasn’t it that first trip that you purchased the subaru? You all just crack me up and to think it was a great trip for andy and future prospects in the art world. I am proud of all of you. xoxo
Love this:
“The same car with the same driver and passenger at the same time of year over the same mountain passes. The view out the windshield nearly identical and the view in the rear-view mirror wholly different.”
Beautiful writing, Nici. Love this piece…
This just may my favorite so far, Nici. Beautifully descriptive. I love the visual of the back seats holding the girls. I love the analogy of the larch trees. Life so changes when we have our children, doesn’t it? We had a subaru until child number three, and I remember nursing babies in very strange positions on several car seats!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us all…..to Spokane and to motherhood!
Just read your Larch tree analogy to Hal, so beautifully put! I love how you write and don’t tell you that often enough! Love you all!