By Nici Holt Cline
You know the ol’ expression, I can’t see the forest through the trees? Meaning one is unable to see the impressive old growth because of all the ground cover and underbrush when really all they have to do is look up except sometimes the foliage is so thick and tall that even when looking up, the trees are still mostly hidden? Sometimes I feel like that as a mama of two little ones. I wonder when will I ever stop bushwhacking? My body aches. I am thirsty and so tired and I just keep on keepin’ on because I love big trees and the tangled vines tripping me up are challenging in a rewarding way….they aren’t even so much in the way as they are part of the way.
Last week I looked up and I was in a clearing.
I walked into the girl’s room and they were playing together. Not side by side, not Margot grabbing a toy out of Ruby’s mouth and then earnestly shoving a different one in her tiny hands hoping for engagement, not Ruby fussing because she couldn’t reach a book. Together, sharing and chatting for many minutes.
I swear heavenly light shone down on my Wednesday morning scene. They were both happy without me running interference. Ruby can sit up and look Margot in the eye, she can crawl and grab what she wants. Margot knows her sister’s squawks and goos and happily offers different options. Margot plays peek-a-boo, tickles, jumps on and off the bed…all for Ruby. They interact and communicate. And Ruby, the girl I haven’t put down for more than 47 seconds for the last eight and half months, the girl personally responsible for my undefeated left arm wrestling title, CAN HANG WITHOUT ME.
I had gotten so used to setting her down and racing to accomplish something, knowing I had very few minutes before she was wanted to be safe against my torso again. It’s been hard. She loves to be held by her papa until she sees me. For months I have done everything, all day with her in a carrier. Gardening, sewing, cleaning, playing, coop cleaning, walking, writing. She often naps on me. I wholly believe in the power of baby wearing but sister takes it to another level.
I have loved being what my daughter needs. We had some catching up to do after her two-week ICU stay as a newborn. The combination of emotions I’ve felt while bushwhacking are specific to being Ruby’s mama. Frustrated and in love, ready to move on and wanting to stop time, somewhere else and wholly there. I know the woods will thicken again and require different tools all together but, right now, I am going to rest in this meadow and acknowledge the hard work it took to get here.
A fourth generation Montanan raising a fifth, Nici Holt Cline is a mama to Margot and Ruby, wife, gardener, crafter and runner who loves to write and take photos. She writes regularly on her popular blog dig this chick. You can read “Mama Digs” every Monday exclusively at www.mamalode.com. Read more of Nici’s mamalode articles here.
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AHHHHHHH! Savoring it! Some of my fondest memories have been watching my children interact as I watch from afar. Wonderful analogies….love it!
Wow it does the heart good to this. They will be best friends for ever.
I love this post and am so glad that you are getting to this place! It really has been amazing for me to watch my girls become sisters….and although their interactions aren’t always peaceful, and most the time just incredibly loud, I’m so grateful they have each other!
i love this.
beautiful post!
Oh the fun times ahead for these two! There is something to be said about having siblings so close in age….this will be so fun to watch and be part of!
xoxo
Oh the fun times ahead for these two! There is something to be said about having siblings so close in age….this will be so fun to watch and be part of!
xoxo
Oh, that is so sweet, Nici. Loved this post.
I cannot explain how it helped to read this, I have a 34 month old and a 15 month old, and my 15 month old (daughter) is just like your little girl, wants to be held by mamma at all times, sometimes I forget to enjoy it and become frustrated….thank you for reminding me to appreciate and find the joy in both of my children. My son and daughter thank you too.