By Nici Holt Cline
I am typing right now while nursing Ruby to sleep and listening to Margot in her pre-nap ritual of belting out the abcs from her bedroom. Next to me is a pile of fabric, patterns attached and ready to be cut, a tiny toy water bucket, a plastic pony, my to-do list and a pile of bills. When both girls are asleep, I’ll slip into my studio to sew, taking breaks to check on Ruby, let our dog outside or in, hang a load of laundry on the line, respond to emails, plant basil, wash that pot that’s been sitting the sink for over a day. All the while knowing that no matter what kind of creative or productive groove I get in, it stops when my kids wake.
This is working from home. Some of it’s how I thought it’d be and some is very different.
I was a productive multi-tasker before I had kids. People who know me are probably laughing at that understatement. Give this mama a deadline and I can accomplish an impossible amount of work. I was the college student who skied all weekend and pulled a Sunday all-nighter to get a 10-page paper done. I don’t like to miss out on anything and I like to do what I do well. I pour my everything into everything I do.
Of course being a mama brings out the multi in us multi-taskers. I can lift a two year-old on and off the toilet without losing my nursing baby’s latch. I can always carry one more thing. I can listen to two conversations and the radio simultaneously. The hard part of working at home is that I am ALWAYS multi-tasking. I used to leave home to go to work and then come home. Now it’s all one big swirl of home and work. Even when the girls are napping, I listen for them to wake. I anticipate them waking.
I didn’t plan on the emotional exhaustion that comes with always being ON. Being a mama to my daughters is a tangible, constant reality. I hold Ruby while I write (often one-handed), I create and manage art projects for Margot while I sew. I rock my hips with Ruby in the sling while I talk on the phone, I sing Oh Mister Moon while I drive. I have a dog’s ears when I sleep and I have my phone out on the table when I have a glass of wine with friends.
I also thought there’d be more time. I mean, I am home 40 hours per week that I wasn’t before. Honestly, I thought it’d be kinda easy to fold writing and sewing into my days with my daughters. I thought I’d be gardening more, running more, making more bread. I thought my house would be tidy and I’d be making beautiful meals for dinner every day. I was wrong.
Some days I have to be so flexible with my to-do list that I might as well move around the world in a backbend. Some days my five hours of sleep per night catch up with me and I have to lay down when the girls do. I do not find time to dust. Dinner is usually a 5:30 problem-solving exercise with my husband.
The part of working from home with my kids that is exactly how I thought it’d be? The privilege of always being ON with my daughters. The freedom and opportunity to witness and appreciate every fleeting moment of my babies’ growth. Meeting friends at a park on a Friday morning, picnics with nothing in the day-timer to pull us away, nursing my baby while I write and managing art projects for my toddler while I sew. Talking with my kids about worms while we garden, about rivers while we walk and about kneading dough while we make pizza.
I now get it when women say being an at-home mama is the hardest job they’ve had. And, I get it when they say it’s the most rewarding. I am so happy to be ON.
A fourth generation Montanan raising a fifth, Nici Holt Cline is a mama to Margot and Ruby, wife, gardener, crafter and runner who loves to write and take photos. She writes regularly on her popular blog dig this chick. You can read “Mama Digs” every Monday exclusively at www.mamalode.com. Read more of Nici’s mamalode articles here.
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I remember going to work just to get some rest. And that list? Well I sometimes, after finishing a task that isn’t on the list, I add it to the list just for the satisfaction of being able to check it off. Finished off the last piece of pie. CHECK
When I was in your shoes with you and your brother…I remember thinking that I must have had too much time on my hands before kids, because oh what I could accomplish with you two! LIVED for the days that you both took 2 hour naps at the same time.
I love that you love being ON!!
xoxo
I have grown to love reading your column, probably because so much reflects my life. I am a SAHM of two little ones and even though I don’t get “real work” done as you do, the emotional exhaustion of staying home with them and being “on” all the time as you describe is so true. Sometimes I think going to work would be easier in the morning, but you’re right in those quiet moments of what seems like nothing, I realize I am one very lucky Mom. Please continue sharing your thoughts as I think they help us all reflect on our own. Thanks!
the 5:30 problem solving exercise: word. thank god the boy is getting big enough to make requests. pizza again? you bet.
we use the bread machine on dough setting and let it do all the work. easy peasy homemade pizza on the way with 90 minutes to get a herd of other things finished.
Speaking of multitasking: I am reading this blog while pumping breast milk and downloading software on my computer
i love that your mamas commented. and i don’t think i could do all that you do – i am waaaay impressed. fantastically written, gorgeously photographed.
The sentence says it all! Love it!!
“I didn’t plan on the emotional exhaustion that comes with always being ON”
Well said. I consider my one day a week at my career job my “paid vacation!”
I’m a mom of two, running a business from my home too. I sooo get this article. Thanks for putting it into words.