By Nici Holt Cline
Last week I had an evening commitment, one where I needed to be showered and more polished than breast milk on my shoulder and snot on my sleeve. Of course, the day didn’t go anything like my plan (surprise!) and Andy got tied up at work so there I was scrambling to collect myself with two kids swirling around me.
I was readying for an evening at the Missoula Art Museum, a night honoring a man whom I had the privilege to work with, learn from and aspire to for the seven years that I worked there as development director. So, I showered with Margot at my feet while playing peek-a-boo with Ruby behind the curtain, I ironed my skirt while Margot peppered my studio with fabric scraps. I sprinted from room to room, pretending to draw with Margot, leaping like a crazy lady to make Ruby smile while slowly, piece by piece, clothing myself. I pumped milk while nursing and I put on earrings while hunting for my keys.
Because of the no-papa-to-leave-kids-with hiccup, I went to the museum with them. While not ideal, this isn’t such a big deal. Margot spent the first year of her life there, my old co-workers are her best pals, lovingly referred to as her MAMily. She knows what exhibits are on view, she greets visitors. Museum was one of the first signs she learned and was one of her first words.
I felt surprisingly put together when I got there. Ruby in the carrier, Margot skipping around the heels of art patrons. I wore lipstick, my favorite green heels and the skirt I just made. I knew everyone and it was all comfy. The program began and Andy still wasn’t there…I was participating so I got up in front of the few hundred people with my baby and read my piece about how Martin reminds me of an Anne Frank quote, How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
I was talking to myself too.
The evening was moving and affirming. It was a full-circle moment for me. When I made the choice to leave my work at MAM, I had no idea what it would all feel like. I mean, I was extremely confident in my decision but of course I had no way of knowing what my new life would be like. A life with two small kids at home, working from home. And now that I am six months into it, I am so happy. I loved my job and I love my job. Anne Frank’s words are so powerful because they resonate with all of humanity; there are so many beautiful things to do with this life, so many profound ways to improve the world.
In a completely unexpected moment, my good friend and museum director hopped on the microphone and started talking about me. I stood to the side of the grand gallery with the nine others who honored Martin, holding Ruby and rocking my hips. Andy and Margot stood at the back of the room. I was overwhelmed and when I walked to accept the gorgeous flowers and hugs, I felt so solid, so effervescent. I responded to the room expressing my gratitude for their generosity and my experience. I said that now I am a mom and I have the opportunity to be on the other side, raising my children in this amazing community as a museum member and donor. It was a beautiful moment for me, exploding with a synergistic pulse.
I wrote this a year ago:
Today is Monday and my day off but I had an important meeting with a donor this morning. So, after skiing out of the hut yesterday, I raced home for a prep meeting. And, this morning, I got up early to get my materials and pitch together, scooped bug into the car and, in my suit coat and conservative pants, headed to the museum. My toner ran out so I had to shake the pehjesus out of it in between the thirty documents I was trying to print. Margot raced from one office to the next, ‘hi hi whoa wow’. Then, four minutes after I was supposed to leave, giant poop explosion and then, as I was frantically changing her diaper on the floor of my office, thinking about how I really should look in the mirror before this meeting, she rolled into the shitty diaper and smeared poo all over her pant leg and shoe. Eventually I was off to my meeting and left bug with her museum family. The ask went well. I felt all ‘awe snap’ when I strolled into the rainy parking lot. I did a good job.
Right now I don’t have any important meetings where I wear a suit coat and enthusiastically ask people to support art, free expression and education. Right now I do have the important charge of raising two compassionate kids who enthusiastically engage in and eventually support art, free expression and education. And I feel so fortunate.
Awe Snap.
A fourth generation Montanan raising a fifth, Nici Holt Cline is a mama to Margot and Ruby, wife, gardener, crafter and runner who loves to write and take photos. She writes regularly on her popular blog dig this chick. You can read “Mama Digs” every Monday exclusively at www.mamalode.com. Read more of Nici’s mamalode articles here.
Love what you read? Share it!
Email This Post
Connect with us!
I say this alot…..I am so damn proud of you!
Suits are not so important anyway. Great post, as always, and congratulations on what seems like a wonderful opportunity to continue loving what you do, and doing what you love!
You rock, girlfriend. SO glad you are making it happen, making it happy and are a part of this little corner of the world wide web.
Love this post so much, Nici! I wanna be just like you when I have kids
Sorry to hear people are having problems with their acai orders and getting scammed. I’m not going to guarantee results of weight loss from acai (and no one should), but the acai berry selects can definitely make a difference in cardiovascular health, which is worth something.