By Jennifer Savage
The other day I took Eliza and Lucille to get a burrito in downtown Missoula. Ever since I first walked these snowy streets in the winter of 1996, I’ve always loved the heart of Missoula. I’ve spent many a winter afternoon in Butterfly Herbs drinking coffee, leafed through the magazine selection at Fact and Fiction and eaten lunch from Worden’s deli counter more times that I can count. Every decent pair of shoes I own came from Hide and Sole and my mother kindly bought both of our kids’ car seats at Whippersnappers. I eat breakfast every chance I get at the Catalyst and have passed more than one summer evening on the deck of the Old Post or outside Sean Kelly’s. I bank and go to the post office downtown. Eliza goes to preschool a few blocks from downtown and we live a five-minute bike ride from the center of it all.
Downtown has always been idyllic to me but after Saturday I’m seeing it in a different light.
I parked my car in front of the burrito shop and, looking back, managed to do something my East Coast upbringing taught me time and again not to do – sit in my car and fiddle with my wallet. I pulled a few bills out and put them on my lap preparing to shove them in my pockets when I got out of the car. I turned to say something to Eliza when I saw a man standing at my door. I had seen him before. I knew he was a part of the homeless community and a few weeks before he’d asked me for money as I was on a run. I told I didn’t have any and he began yelling the f-word at me as I crossed the street. Now, he wouldn’t let me out of my car. I jumped a bit when I saw him so close the car and he began yelling at me.
“Don’t do that!” he said. “Don’t do that! Stop doing that!” He pointed his finger at my rolled-up car window.
I don’t know what I was supposed to stop doing. Stop sitting there? Stop counting my ones? Stop being afraid of a strange man yelling at me through my car window?
“You won’t let me out!” I yelled back.
“Don’t do that!” he said again.
“Who is that mama?” Eliza said. “Why’s he saying that?”
My cell phone began to buzz in the passenger seat. It was Seth who has an amazing ability to call at precisely the right time. (When my water broke with Eliza he called a microsecond later.)
“Hey babe,” I said.
“Hey babe, where are you? Are you coming up soon?” he said from our house in Arlee where he was installing flooring.
“Yeah, just stopped to get burritos and some guy won’t let me out of the car?”
“What?” he said.
“Some guy is standing by the car and won’t let me out. I gotta go. I’m calling the police.”
“Ok, call me back,” he said.
As I hung up a bartender from Charlie’s, a landmark downtown bar, shooed the man away from my car.
“Get of here. Leave her alone,” he said.
The man moved on and went into the burrito shop I was headed in to. It was a sunny Saturday on Higgins Avenue, the main drag downtown. People were everywhere so I unlocked my car door and stepped out to thank the bartender.
“Are you okay?” he said. “If he bothers you again, you come get us.”
“What was that all about?” I asked.
“He’s been out here all day. I think he just wants someone to buy him a taco or something but bugging you….that’s worse than panhandling…a lady, with two kids in the car…if he bothers you again, you come get us.”
I told him okay and realized my hands were shaking as I dialed the police. I told the dispatcher what had happened and it sounded as though it wasn’t the first complaint she’d had that day.
“Are you in front of the Army Navy?” she asked.
“No, I’m in front of Taco del Sol,” I said. I was block or two from the Army Navy.
“Oh,” she said. “Okay, we’ll send an officer down.”
I got back in the car, told Eliza and Lucille we were going to different burrito store and headed away from downtown.
I know the economy is in the tank. I know that Missoula has always been friendly to those who are down on their luck, who don’t have consistent shelter. I know that downtown has always had its share of characters, homeless or not. (Remember the leprechaun?) It’s one of the reasons I love this town. It is a tolerant, kind place that takes care of its people. I like to think I’m here, in part, because I’m a tolerant, kind person.
I have worked for social justice organizations for years here. For Christmas last year, we donated to the Poverello Center, the local homeless shelter, in honor of our families instead of buying gifts. Politically, I’m left of left and when something like this happens I start to wonder how did we, as a society, fail this man. I know that there are a thousand reasons why he had gotten to the place he was that day – maybe he had a rough family life, maybe he was a veteran who’d not gotten the support he’d deserved from his country, maybe he’s got addiction issues. The academic part of me wants to know what social cracks did he fall through? What programs need more money to help people like him?
But frankly, when someone threatens me and the safety of my children my politics go out the window and all of the reasons why don’t matter.
The mothering part of me doesn’t care about his childhood, his addiction problems or how he’s been failed by society. This visceral part of me wants to open my car door fast, like they do in the movies, knock him on his backside and tell him to back off. I want to stand over him with the seething rage I felt that day and tell him that harassment is harassment. Fear and intimidation are unacceptable no matter if you are guy down on your luck, just trying to get someone to buy you a burrito. I want to tell him that if he ever threatens me or my children again that there will be hell to pay.
The fact that incidents like this incite violence in me is neither consoling nor comfortable, but it is what it is. I know that even in my fantasy of knocking this man down and telling him off, I am only one person. Seth likes to say I’m full of piss and vinegar, which may be true, but I’m also barely 5’4”, a woman with two children with her most of the time. All of this makes me vulnerable. It makes us vulnerable. I guess I just didn’t ever think I’d feel quite so vulnerable in our downtown on a bright day in April.
I want to feel safe in our city’s center. But Saturday I did not.
So, where does this leave us? I don’t have the answer. But Saturday I took my children to a safe place and that meant driving away from downtown. As I looked in the rearview mirror at a seemingly welcoming place, I hoped I wasn’t looking at something that is disappearing.
Jennifer Savage is a writer and mama of Eliza and Lucille. Lately, she’s learning to be a city girl. She writes from her home in Missoula, Montana. She is also one of Mamalode’s favorite writers and you can fall in love with her too at Savagemama.com Read more of Jennifer’s mamalode articles here
Love what you read? Share it!
Email This Post
Connect with us!
I find it interesting that one incident can completely change a person’s outlook on their own town. I’ve lived in much worse areas and being yelled at by a person who may have a mental handicap wouldn’t suddenly change my outlook on a location. One person acting inappropriately vs. the entire downtown? Please.
It’s almost as bad as the stereotype of an elderly couple seeing new Hippy neighbors moving in next door and saying; “There goes the neighborhood.”
I’m sorry you did not feel safe….but please hold your chin high and realize that downtown is worth your enjoyment. Nowhere is completely safe and I think you are being a bit sensitive.
This story to me reflects a mother’s reaction to a situation perceived as threatening. Just for the record, Mamalode is a member of the Downtown Association and my belief is that downtown is an amazing resource and the heart of Missoula, in particular for families. This situation says to me that we are lucky to live somewhere where an incident like this is not the norm for going about our daily lives with kiddos and also how great it is that we live somewhere where a business owner would step in and help out.
I am interested to hear more readers’ thoughts.
Elke…
Publisher of Mamalode
I too have lived in many places and have had many people yelling at me and coming up to me but never when I had my children with me. I think that makes a huge difference. I also don’t think Jennifer was saying she’s totally off downtown and going there. What I got out of it was that it made her sad, scared and the mother bear in her thought about coming out.
Oh, yes, I do completely agree with the “mother” side of this situation! I am far more protective when my children are with me…and I do understand how it can make us more vulnerable.
I suppose that my initial reaction to this wasn’t as a mother (ha)..but as an individual who is reading it not so much from a mother’s perspective as just a person. My own experiences of living in tough places commenting as opposed to my mothering experiences. I think mainly I’m just grateful that I’m not living in Rwanda …where being a mother means grief and even more vulnerability (just for perspective).
The “mother” part of her article makes perfect sense to me. I apologize if my comment implied differently.
Wow.. I’m blown away by this article. At what point did this situation become “threatening”? It is stated that the man pointed at her rolled up car window. Rolled up. And instead of asking the man to step away, she yells back at him? She repeatedly says that he won’t let her out of the car, but did she take three minutes to ask him to step away, give her space, leave her and her children alone? Not that I read. She just hollers back at him, through the closed window. In my opinion, this is setting a poor example for her children, and quite frankly seems an immature reaction to a simple bum. She had seen this man before, knew that he hollers belligerently and was still this shook up by the encounter? I don’t know the fear of being a small person – in heels I top out over 6 feet tall, I also don’t know the fear of having kids to “protect” from the scary man yelling at me from outside my rolled up car windows, but I would hope in the future she can take a deep breath and use the instance to teach her kids a lesson about compassion, not just calling the cops when they’re scared.
I am doing the run wild missoula half marathon training program and we meet twice a week at Runners Edge. There have been many incidents involving the runners and the homeless. They yell profanity at us, ask for money and in general harass us. It at times can be very uncomfortable and scary.
I am also a mother of two boys and if I was in Jennifer’s position I too would have been very scared. She has every right to react the way she did.
I love Downtown Missoula and will continue to go there but I am always very aware of my surrondings when I am there.
It’s like playing softball for years without injury. Then one day you take a grounder to the face. On the one hand, you’ll flinch every time a grounder comes your way for a while. On the other hand, you’ve gained a new perspective on the game. One that will hopefully change your approach for the better in future, similar situations. Sometimes we need to be shaken out of our comfort zone to learn or grow. Pretty sure I would have been equally disturbed. And pretty sure (caveat: this opinion is based solely on reading her blogs) that Jennifer Savage will find a way to turn it into a positive lesson.
I find that spring fever hits Missoula with a vengeance… sometimes this is a good vengeance (i know, oxymoron) where we are all wearing flip flop and flip skirts, having picnics, getting out and on our bikes, rolling the windows down, ready to spread our winter wings a bit. But on the other side of that is the negative vengeance, where people get a little wild after having been caged and stifled. And so, in these past weeks of warming weather, I have dandelions and tulips, grass and bind weed, and Missoula is seeing a larger presence of our homeless population.
It is sometimes threatening and always depressing, for me, as a mother and citizen in Missoula.
I feel confident that Savagemama will turn this into a learning lesson for herself and her children. She’s just that type of Mama. But I also know her fear and appreciate her sharing it with us. As idyllic as is sometimes seems, Missoula is not perfect.
I love your articles. And although I’m not ready to comment on the “right” or “wrong” reaction to your article I do know that if you are getting comments on both sides of the fence then you are doing something right. Asking, listening and responding/reacting are all some of the most interesting parts of journalism — no matter what format.
not all homeless folks are that way so dont let one person who is having a bad day get you down. and so he yelled at you and it made you feel insecure well im sure it didnt do the children any good seeing their mother yell back in the same type of rage the man was using toward her. it appears this man must have had a mental disorder or a bad day in order for him to behave as such, considering most of the homeless i have come to know say thanks anyway have a nice day or God bless you. im sorry this happened to you in this community which i call home. although i am not a native of montana i have come to call this my home. i do hope that you will come to find forgiveness of his actions toward you and your children and also allow your children to continue to be a part of montana and learn from the caring aspect of things and how you should handle them instead of getting upset and flying off the handle and losing it so to speak in front of the children. set examples for them to grow on by doing the right thing regardless of the situation. i am not saying you did the wrong thing so dont take this post the wrong way but i am saying i think there would have been a better way for you to handle the situation considering you had seen this man before and had him curse at you when you were in a hurry the other time when he asked you for help and you declined him. personally if you were that threatened by him then why yell back at him why not just call the police and have them handle this as that is why they are police. i do hope this doesnt happen to you again and if it does i do hope you think before you react. and with that said have a great day and good luck. i do hope you continue to love and live in this beautiful area i call home. MISSOULA, MT. ZOO TOWN GOTTA LOVE IT!!!!!!!
On behalf of all Downtown businesses, I want to apologize to you, Jennifer, for this awful experience. I want to cry because I am sad that we have these folks in our Downtown that do not treat others with kindness and respect. I want to scream because I am frustrated with our inability to address this problem today. Finally, I want to say….please don’t stop coming to our Downtown. It belongs to us, and if we stop coming Downtown, then the agressive panhandlers and substance abuse participants win. We have a problem, and we’re working on solutions. We’re looking at dedicated police patrol, stronger panhandling ordinances and what role the homeless service providers can play in solutions. Thanks for caring. Thanks for sharing. Stay strong.
I think that it’s safe to say that Downtown Missoula is one of the major things that differentiates us from other towns, even other college towns. I have lived and worked downtown for the overwhelming majority of the ten years that I have called Missoula home and can also say that the homeless population and the correlated panhandling problem has been a characteristic of the Downtown condition for all of those years.
I do think that it’s safe to say that the vast majority of the folks who count themselves among the homeless are harmless and are simply living out a speedbump in their lives. However, it’s also safe to say that within the homeless population there are a number of people who are chronically homeless (which is a topic for another time) and some that are engaged in criminal activity, as evidenced by the recent downtown murder of a transient, among other offences. The problem here is that it is very hard to tell who is dangerous and who is not (whether you’re a mom with kids or a guy in his late twenties who came from a much larger city, as I am). In short, the reaction that Ms. Savage had can only be expected regardless of who she was and who was with her.
The other side of the problem is that the downtown business district is not an inexpensive place to do business, nor is it an incredibly easy place to access if you don’t live nearby. The panhandling problem adds one more reason for potential customers to shop elsewhere and puts the future of downtown businesses in jeopardy.
While I think that the tolerance of the average Missoulian is part of what makes us unique, there is a tendency for that tolerance to also allow us to be taken advantage of. For example, I’ve always believed that if there were someone in plainclothes hassling customers as they tried to enter your business, they would be treated in a much harsher manner than if they were homeless.
All that I’m really saying here is that although not every person in the homeless community is at fault, the panhandling problem is stemming solely from that sector of our local society. While this problem may seem like a simple annoyance to some, or even a necessary burden for your particular political slant, there is a real lasting impact on not only the character of downtown but also the existence of it. If we can’t protect the businesses that pay a premium to be a part of the downtown culture, the downtown culture will vanish as will one of the remaining bastions of Missoula’s unique culture and character.
Just a quick added comment from someone who grew up in Missoula and Butte and actually worked with many of the indigent people for many years. Go visit Riverhouse. Many of the homeless (not all) are people like you and I, whom, for nature only knows the reasons – have a severe mental illness that requires daily medication. The medication can have side effects that are hard to handle and the other “side effect” is that they think they are “well” and go off the medication. Their reality is not your reality. Trying to negotiate with them does not work – they’re not in your world. In any situation such as this, whether caused by anger, addiction, stupidity – she did the right thing and not engage the individual. Reasoning doesn’t work and walking away (or driving away) will – and that’s for any possible situation. Your job is not to confront or argue but leave the situation asap. And report it – someone will know who to contact for this individual and make sure they get the help they need – even if it’s back to the halfway house to monitor him to make sure he takes his medication daily.
You know, hindsight is an amazing tool. We can look at a situation and say “I ought to have done this” or read a story like this and say, “why, it couldn’t have been that scary because he didn’t hurt her, after all…” The fact that he didn’t hurt her isn’t exactly the point…the point (using my own hindsight post-read) is, I believe, that she’d felt menaced by this particular person, that it was the second time and she didn’t feel safe bringing her kids out of her car while there was even a chance that this person could be out there. As a parent, I can’t say I blame her! I, like many, want downtown Missoula to thrive…to be a safe haven for homeless and for the community alike…but TO thrive we need to help each other. Sounds as if the bartender was doing just that, but this writer is more than justified for being so completely shaken up! How do we fight things like this? We continue to support places like Missoula’s downtown…we buy local whenever possible to help local businesses thrive and we help our community by volunteering if we’re able. There will always be those who don’t will stand outside of cars and shout, but as long as we’re all far more stubborn and keep supporting the downtown and other local businesses, Missoula wins. Bravo Savage-mama! It’s never easy to do it all right and no-one gives us the ultimate “must be the perfect mom/example” manual (I wish they would sometimes!) Perfection is overrated…be yourself, THAT is the best example you can give your kids…even if you make mistakes from time to time. (especially so!)
Great comment Mary. I would also add that I really don’t think Jennifer is wrong for her reaction (as I mentioned above)…my perspective is that this event (traumatic as it was) should not “define” downtown Missoula. I can understand the fear and insecurity completely…yet as Melanie above mentioned I hope it is used as a positive building block for future events.
I, too, used to volunteer at a homeless shelter (Moss House near Kansas City, Missouri) and agree with Mary that many just don’t “function” in the same way as people who have a secure home.
Report and move on. Our perceptions of a place, our hometown, define it, and by no means is a homeless population a greater threat to our safety than just getting in a car and driving. Accidents happen…and so will “incidents”.
Girl, I loved reading this, LOVE that it’s firing people up so much. My two cents: your experience is yours and you conveyed it honestly and clearly!
xo Bex
Have to agree a bit with “A”… seems like a bit of an over-reaction, but then, maybe I am just used to these homeless types who like pointing and saying things like “don’t do that” while drool runs down their sleeve and a cat crawls out of their jacket.
Everyone is free to react how they want, but there are probably better ways to teach kids not to panic when encountered with surprises… but to each their own. Honestly, if the situation was that frightening, downtown, a loud honking horn would remedy the situation in just moments. Little known fact: Vagrants hate loud noises, except when they are sleeping.
THAT BEING SAID… I wasn’t there. Perhaps if I was I’d slammed the door into his knees before taking a can of mace to his face… I don’t know.
Missoula definitely has its pros, but it also has the dark side that every city in America has… thats why you keep your eyes open, avoid the riff-raff (nearly impossible downtown any more) and learn Karate!
I soooooo appreciate your honesty and for writing so candidly about your life. Judge not, peeps!
I feel like the issue isn’t about what you should or shouldn’t have done. When you have babies, you protect, period. That is your job. I would have done the same thing. And, your babies trust you to do just that, and you did. Its not about a “teachable moment”, its about listening to your instinct and doing what you have to do to protect them. If you don’t have children, I don’t think you can fully empathize with her situation.
it’s a really good idea for authors to have answers…. this night of the living dead article written by Mrs Missoula was a waste of my time. Boo hoo…. a crazy homeless person accosted you in a downtown area in the USA. get some answers, it makes for more interesting reading. dog bites man.
Everybody reacts differently in these situations, there’s no right or wrong answer. What makes me uncomfortable about this article is why “we as a society” failed this man. While this man may have had his ups and downs in life HE is responsible for the outcome not “we as a society”.
I am so sorry that you had that experience. Missoula seems like such a visionary, creative town. I love it here too. When I first moved here in ’92, my poetry professor called it the “Berkley of the West’.”
Thankfully your children and you are not hurt, and your husband has that awesome precognitive thing going. And perhaps,for us Missoulians and our children, it is good to recognize that every place and this place really does have a nasty dark side. And that the things that Mom and Dad are yakking about reallly do happen and not just on t.v. but in real life. I realized that with my children and cell phones and dsi’s, they are so unaware of their surroundings, it is quite scary, There is no more walking and texting, get to where your are first. Well, I am happy you were not harmed and that your kids and you are safe,
Sincerely,
KS
This issue is close to my heart. I am both a new mother and someone with acute knowledge of this growing situation in Missoula. The need to protect is all encompassing. As mothers, we must listen to our minds, hearts, and bodies as they guide us in moments when we feel our little birds are are at risk. For this, I do not judge nor disagree with how the Jennifer reacted. The urge to protect is more powerful than our rational thoughts, the ones that remind us that this man has probably lived through more trauma than we can imagine. That he too has a mother somewhere . . .
What I struggle with is how Jennifer chose to portray this man to readers both here and abroad (as I have seen this link forwarded). Her characterization of a frightening, unstable, and potentiallty violent human being only perpetuates societal stereotypes regarding our neighbors who find themselves living on the streets. Did she ask him to move away from her car? Did he refuse? Did he threaten to harm her or her children? Was it merely his presence that made her feel unsafe? These are questions left unanswered.
What I ask is that this author understand her power, and her responsibility, as a journalist. This is a truely marginalized, misrepresented, and misunderstood population. As a mother, you will experience the situation as your mind, heart, and body command. As a journalist, please don’t promote stereo types that breed fear and provide no real solution.
I wanted to respond to gerald clough’s comment above…
I really don’t agree that a writer needs to have “answers.” Sometimes the story is in the questions.
In fact, I feel strongly that a rush to find “answers” often prevents us from struggling with the questions. What are we asking?
The important part is the Conversation…
What is admirable is not always the Knowing the Answer … there is a danger, of smugness, of superficiality, of callousness, in being so sure.
Strength, and community, can be found in asking and searching and being brave enough to Not Know, sometimes– and yet, not to disengage because of that, but rather to ask.
hey savage mama, why don’t you sit your kids down and explain to them that the scary homeless man is just a symptom of a brutal, totally corrupt economic system that wages illegal, immoral war for dwindling resources regardless of the negative domestic impact on its citizens, and how greedy bankers openly disregard laws and regulations, and how politicians, regardless of party affiliation, work diligently to ensure big, evil industries suck the corporate welfare teat of america dry. the world is a terrible, violent place. tell your kids they are lucky their family wasn’t blown apart by a predator drone strike, or gunned down by soldiers in a midnight raid. tell them you guys have got it pretty good when the worse thing that happened to you this month was a dirty transient freaked you out while sitting in the safety of your car; a car that’s fueled with the blood and terror of unending war.
On Friday, 4/30/2010, I was walking on the sidewalk behind the courthouse (facing the bus shelter) when a homeless man from the shelter spotted me and made a beeline for me. He ran straight at me, reached out and slapped all the papers out of my hand as I walked, and then screamed “F*** YOU!!!” in my face and attempted to grab my purse and reached for my face.
Two sheriff’s deputies witnessed the entire exchange and were on him before he could lay a hand on me, and had him handcuffed before I could even take a step back. They said this man had been harassing people all day downtown, screaming obscenities and running at people trying to scare them, but I was the first that he attempted to actually touch. They said they couldn’t do anything prior to my experience because screaming obscenities and giving the appearance of running at people and then stopping is apparently not a crime.
What would have happened had they not been standing there? Would he have gotten my purse, in broad daylight, in front of the County Courthouse? Or even assaulted me physically, not just my paperwork? I have a concealed weapon permit, and normally I have a weapon on my person – due to not being able to carry in a government building, I left my sidearm in the vehicle. I should not have to feel like I need to defend myself on government property, least of all at the same location as a law enforcement agency.
Something needs to be done down there – I don’t care if some of these people are “troubled”, they did it to themselves – they know perfectly well that what they are doing/how they are living is not right, yet they continue the cycle and create danger for the rest of us that actually work for a living and contribute to society and live law-abiding lives – they are self-destructive, and dangerous, and have no place in my world.
NWS: it’s too bad you also had a negative experience with an individual who acted aggressively toward you downtown, but you still can’t take the actions of one person and apply that to all chronic homeless people. some are vets who served their country, protecting your gun rights and such. some are native americans who have been systematically exterminated since the colonists first “discovered” this fine country. most are alcoholics who have burned all their bridges.
let me tell you a little story. the one time i went to stockman’s bar i was almost physically accosted by a black football player, simply because i “looked at him” wrong. it was not a very pleasant experience. but here’s the kicker: i don’t take this man’s actions and apply it to all black people, or all UM football players, because that would be an ignorant, bigoted thing to do.
Find the latest scooter reviews.Featuring scooter tests and comparison reviews of all of the new scooters.
[...] Downtown has always been idyllic to me but after Saturday I’m seeing it in a different light. Read More » [...]