Nici Holt Cline
My back was aching, I was so thirsty and I had so much else to do. But there I was, digging dirt like my life depended on it.
I am continually seeking ‘balance’ in my busy life. You too? Finding that damn balance is woven into nearly every conversation I have with mama friends. My struggle proliferates in the moments where I can do anything I want: both kids are asleep and my husband is home. I want to run, write, garden, clean the toilet, shower, sew, bake, dye eggs, dye my hair, eat, make my bed, drink beer and absolutely nothing.
I often end up bouncing from one thing to next, leaving it all less than half done when the window is over. This kills me. It tends to go something like this: I start cleaning the kitchen and then I think why the hell would I spend this time cleaning the kitchen? so I drop the broom and walk straight outside where I pull weeds when I look up and see the chicken coop so I drop my trowel and walk to the coop where I collect eggs and then I bring the eggs inside to put away and notice the pile of unfinished thank you notes so I sit down and write a few but I need addresses so I get on my computer and notice I need to respond to emails and then I see I have a sewing order so I go to my studio and decide the order can wait because I want to work on pants for Ruby…and before I know it I have spent exactly 10 minutes on 18 different projects and the kids are awake and I am Mama.
This happens because I have so much I want to do and I am easily bewitched by that other thing. I want to spend my time wisely and importantly. I want. I feel giddy with that unexpected, uninterrupted time. But instead of really taking advantage of it, I continue to move through my day as if my kids were with me.
I play musical chairs. Except nobody is competing for my seat.
But yesterday was different. Yesterday I learned something about my time. I made myself pick one thing and rock it out until my window was over. I dug in the dirt, counted worms, turned compost. I inhaled that earthy air and dreamed of July yields. I needed water and deodorant. I was wearing low jeans, not meant for bending-over mamas, and can say with relative certainty that my neighbors saw a little more of my bum than they cared to. My hair was wild and in my face. My phone was ringing. And all of those piles of orders and thank yous and dishes and eggs languished.
I was wild with energy and devotion. I was smiling. It’s up to me to make unbroken time for myself. It’s how I remain whole, connected and present.
And so me and my ripe pits, dry mouth and hoochy jeans just kept moving earth like my life depended on it. Because it does.
A fourth generation Montanan raising a fifth, Nici Holt Cline is a mama to Margot and Ruby, wife, gardener, crafter and runner who loves to write and take photos. She writes regularly on her popular blog dig this chick. You can read “Mama Digs” every Monday exclusively at www.mamalode.com. Read more of Nici’s mamalode articles here.
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I know it can be frustrating to begin several projects and only make a stitch of progress in each, but all those stitches add up to lots of handcrafted garments!
xo….your ever lovin’ mama
Your posts read my mind and are usually exactly what I needed to hear. Feeling so overwhelmed with all the demands on me (baby, house, husband, yardwork, volunteer job) , pulled between my current projects (knitting her new sweater, sewing her summer dresses, painting trim, digging a veggie bed) and my mind swimming with all my want-to-dos (books to read, things to learn, sewing and knitting projects, mastering perennial beds and pressure canning and fermented food and my new camera etc etc etc) and add a baby who refuses to sleep alone.ever. and a husband who works about 18hours a day……phew……my head spins and I spend 5 minutes here and there on a million different thing. A little focus would definitely serve me well right now….and a lot of patience!
Love your blog and this column, love your beautiful pictures of your beautiful girls!
Beautifully written! My exact feelings! Have been wondering if it was just me and my lack of skills or does every momma go through this—just what I needed to read today! Thank you, thank you!
So true! This is exactly what my days feel like! I almost always try to do to much. I constantly need reminded to only take on one project at a time so that I don’t get overwhelmed and actually enjoy and finish it, which in turn makes me full totally satiated! And know that all the other things “I need to do” can wait and will eventually get done!
Your blog rocks! Thanks.
Oh I so know how you feel!
I have started setting the timer, and saying “GO” when I have those spare minutes that I could fill a million different ways. I pick what I want to do the most, and adjust the time accordingly. It is helping a bit with the balance but it is still hard to choose!
Your column makes me smile, in a twisted “I understand” sort of way, but also because of all the WONDERFUL interests and hobbies you have. Sometimes wearing lots of hats means you will never be bored, but also that you are gifted with fabulous styles (interests) to choose from.
Nici, I have done this kind of thing all of my life. It hasn’t changed for me even without kids around. I think we are just built that way cause our brains are always moving faster than our bodies! I have learned to say to myself..”There is always tomorrow. It won’t be the end of the world if this doesn’t get done today.” Enjoy and live in the present…not always easy to do I know! AD
Wow, this really rang true for me. I really have so many things I WANT to do. All very similar to you, gardening, sewing, cleaning, reading, photography, etc. Of course there is never enough time. I have serious ADD when it comes to all of them and my follow through is lacking. Then the time comes where I feel so overwhelmed because everything comes to a head, when it all needs to be done at once. I need to take your very approach to sit down or (stand up) and finish the ONE thing for that day. Hmm….let’s see if I can try and do it. Thanks again for your inspiration. Love your writing style.
“I play musical chairs. Except nobody is competing for my seat.”
Awesome line. I plan to steal it.