By Jen Slayden
Yesterday, Grace and I went shopping for a new swimsuit. There are a lot of ways I enjoy bonding with my daughter, but this is not one of them. Shopping sometimes brings out the worst in me. I get irritated and impatient about how expensive clothes can be and the styles our girls are expected to wear in order to be hip.
We went to a couple of different stores with pretty much all the same apparel. Grace picked out a few really cute swim suits, on sale of course, and we headed to the dressing rooms It took what seemed like eternity for her to get the first one on as I tried to keep her little brother occupied.
When she said “ready” I knew why it took her so long. She opened the door, and there stood my tween trying desperately to fit into a girl size that no longer fit. She said, “I think it might be a little small, mom. Let me try the other one on.” I was torn. The other one was the same size, but the look in her face was pleading and she loved the style. Perhaps the different style would work? I gently said “okay.”
Another twenty minutes went by. Seriously, it seemed like twenty minutes. Again, “Mom, I’m ready.” I approached the dressing room and she opened the door. Once again, my girl had tried so hard to adjust, maneuver, and manage the cute tankini but, um, it just wasn’t working out. “Grace, I think we might need to try out the next size up.”
The look on her face broke my heart. The next size up is no longer GIRL size. “Mom, I can wear shorts over them!” She wanted so desperately to stay in the girls section. “Honey you should get a suit that fits you for the whole summer, and feels good when you wear it. We will go look in the junior or women’s section, ok?” Although disappointed, she reluctantly agreed.
We headed over to the women’s section and found the new suits. Blah. That was all I could say. All of them were adorned with pads in the bra and none of them had anything girly about them. They were of course, made for women, not eleven year old girls. The look on Grace’s face said it all.
Grace often feels stuck in the middle. She is a middle child. With attention devoted to Riley as the first “baby” and her younger brother who will wear the name “baby of the family” his whole life it is important for me to be vigilant about her needs and wants, too. I hate to admit it, but sometimes she probably gets lost in the shuffle. I am aware of this, and want to make sure I give her all the tools she needs to become a confident teenager and adult.
One of those tools is to feel good and confident about who she is in spirit, mind, and body. The spirit and mind are actually the easy part. The body is hard. She really is stuck in the middle….between girl and woman. Society shows our young girls what their ideal body should look like. What a farce. I protest! Our swimsuit excursion reminded me of this even more. The junior’s section was full of skimpy suits that I would never want my daughter to wear and I am not that conservative! Luckily, she didn’t have any interest in them at all. She doesn’t want to be that grown up. She wants to be a girl, but the fashion gods aren’t listening.
So, our rendezvous continued, despite the protest of my youngest child. We promised him a quick trip to the toy aisle at the next store. It was at this final store that we finally found the magic swimsuit. A cute one-piece, with a skirt- in the girls section. Thank you TJ Max, for being one of the only stores that carries enough sizes for girls and for letting my girl remain her age a little longer!
I have come to the conclusion that we need a new line of swimsuits for our tween girls. They should be called BETWEENIES. They will not show too much skin, but they will accentuate all the beauty in our girls to make them feel confident, and well… girly!
There will be NO bra pads. The BETWEENIES will say to the world and the tween boys: I am not yet a woman, but I am a tween: Strong, confident, and sassy! I still like to run, skip, jump, and swim without being self-conscious about my body. I will remain that way forever, because I know that I am built exactly the way I was intended to. I am unique, beautiful, and special just the way I am!
“Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.” ~ Epictetus
When Grace finally does cross the threshold into teenager, I intend to have her feel like the amazing beauty that she is, both inside and out. She will always be the middle child, but I hope she grows strong with the knowledge that being in the middle means she is swimming in the center of love and support.
NEXT TIME ON THE TWEEN CHRONICLES: A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE…
Jen Slayden is a long time Missoulian who thrives in the chaos of being a mother of three while also being a Certified Life Coach, musician and educator. She enjoys writing about all of life’s little lessons on her blog, which you can find at www.bigskylifecoach.com .
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Very well said Jen!! I completely agree!
Oy. I remember these issues well. You’ve captured them beautifully and even offered a solution! The Betweenie! Love it. And I so appreciate how you’ve redifined ‘middle child’ to mean ‘in the center of love and support.’
I was the middle kid and actually I enjoyed it. I didn’t get the pressure of being the eldest (you have to set the example for the others) or pressure of the youngest (you aren’t old enough and I always want you to be the baby). In fact, I was pretty darn independent. Okay so I was too young for my sister and her friends, so I spent a lot of time on my own. But that really served me for later as I didn’t marry until my late 30s. Being a middle kid is actually quite fun. Being a Between in sizes and clothes though…ugh! Totally a drag.
Thanks for this Jen – swimsuit season is the worst! It’s especially hard if you have girls who are taller or maybe a little bigger for their age. We have a teeny one who will fit into anything and another who struggles with any size. Exactly the middle child in between all sizes at you say. Last year she said forget it and decided she likes board shorts (pretty colors in the boys section) and the UV surfing type shirts (girls section at bob wards). She felt better, nothing was showing she didn’t want out there and many of her friends told her they wished they had the same thing. Oh, and she’s only 9. I don’t remember it being this hard!
ps – I also went the board short route with a fitted dry fit athletic top for floating the river. This year she wants tye-die ones like mine! So yeah, same styles at 9 and 41
Nice job! And then I have a almost 16 year old, that can ONLY fit in the girls size clothing. The Jr’s are too big….the girls stuff is too little kid like. Last year on spring break we searched on our vacation for days to find Maddi a new swimsuit that would fit and never did. What happened to a plain nice universal suit that will suit all ages??? Anyway, there is a nitch there…. Next year, Aunt Kati will be glad to take Grace shopping for a swimsuit…at least she likes to shop unlike my daughter!
Love the article Jen! Lydia has been wearing board shorts for the past couple of years with quick drying tops, her one piece and her bikini. She doesn’t like things showing either, which is odd to me growing up in the 70s! And the suit is so cute! Maybe we should start our own Betweenie company?
you are a beautiful and insightful mama… i am happy to look to you for advice!
Omigosh, you’d make a gazillion dollars with a Betweenies line — I LOVE IT!!
I felt a little pang of sadness reading this — it brought back memories of that age, and the horrid awkwardness of it all … I’m absolutely dreading the day my daughter is a Betweenie.
{GREAT post!}
Same issue, different Mama! You have the incredible talent of speaking to so many of us with each of your articles. Thank you so much for sharing. We haven’t done the swimsuit shopping yet, but I am taking notes for later!