By Jennifer Slayden
When I had children I knew that they would be musicians. I just knew. It runs in their blood on my side of the family, and you can’t escape it even if you try. Traditionally, we seem to come out screaming, and then we morph our screams into more organized musical chaos as we grow up, although at family reunions anything goes.
Riley and Grace never had a concept of life without music. They both loved music and were hauled to whatever rehearsals I had going on, or gigs at children’s music groups. If we weren’t playing, we were listening to different genres.
My son decided upon piano at the age of five. Piano was easy on the ears, except for when the purpose was to take out frustration and compose dissonant chords (i.e. banging on the piano when in a tantrum).
Niece Maddi and Grace, 2003
Grace started playing violin at the age of three. It was torture. I love the deep sounds of the cello, but the highest string on a violin mixed with three year old might just may have the same outcome as a soprano opera singer performing in a glass house.
I stuck it out because I believe that everything worthwhile in life takes effort and determination. They stuck it out because I didn’t give them a choice, knowing how profoundly music can enhance learning and social development in children. We are fortunate to live in a town that has some of the most genuine, wonderful, and talented music teachers around. Grace and Riley’s lives have been greatly enhanced by their private music teachers, my mentor Mohan, and the magnificent opportunity they had to sing in Amy Martin’s Coyote Choir for two years, fueling their musical passion even more.
At eleven, Grace has evolved into a beautiful musician, with her own style and interpretation. She loves fiddle. Riley, at twelve, has become quite the classical pianist, and is beginning to compose. Riley also received the best birthday gift ever from his Uncle John last year: a banjo. This new found hobby was reinforced in a YMusic class, where his bluegrass alter-ego was born. As I watch him pick his banjo, I can’t help feeling that Uncle John knew something I didn’t when he picked out the gift! He finally has an instrument he can haul camping….another perk!
We decided to start “jammin’ jammy” night a little over a year ago. On Sunday nights, in our pajamas, we would take out our instruments, including then five-year-old Cade’s guitar, and try to play music together. Once again, it started horribly. Not only did the kids disagree about every song, they would try to outplay each other in volume and in voice. I often wondered if we were going to get a knock on the door for disturbing the peace! But, we stuck it out, and a few times my niece Maddi joined us. She is a remarkable violinist and loves old-time and bluegrass music. Soon a few things were clicking and I was noticing more harmony between the music, the cousins, and the siblings.
Last spring, I was called to play at a school art festival, and since it was fairly laid back and the set up was in the corner of the gym, I lured the kids into coming to play with me. We had our list of ten songs or so, and a few more that Maddi and I had worked up together. It was then we were approached by a lady from The Resort at Paws Up. She asked us what the name of our band was.
First off, I was a little shocked she was calling us a “band.” I immediately dismissed it, saying, “Oh, we are just a family that plays music together.” I was impressed that the kids sounded good enough to have the label though.
She then said they were looking for musicians for the summer, and we fit the ticket. Would we be interested in being hired at the ranch to play for the guests during some casual picnics? I promised to call her after discussing the matter with the kids.
My kids had a goal: they desperately wanted to go to fiddle camp in Monarch that summer. Maddi had gone previously, and said the isolated location in the middle of Montana was an amazing place with talented music teachers and the world’s friendliest people. So we accepted the contract at the ranch. It was a wonderful way to teach my tweens about the value of earning money for a purpose: paying their own way to camp. We enjoyed spending music time at the ranch, and soon were performing at other places as well, including the Clark Fork Market, The Friends of Two Rivers Confluence Party, and most recently Hooked on Art.
Playing with the band (who the kids named the Blue Mountain Music Makers) is not always harmonious. I had a reminder of that last weekend as we were all on stage. The tradition of old time music requires a little leg kick to signal the end of the piece. My son was struggling on a banjo piece so he lifted his leg. I felt, as did Maddi, that we needed to finish another verse and phrase, so we made eye contact and ignored Riley. We got an evil look back. Sometimes on stage they fight about the set list and skipping songs. I have to try to maintain the peace and make sure the microphones are not picking up the sibling/cousin rivalry. Most the time I just have to tell the audience and make a joke about families who play music together.
The Blue Mountain Music Makers: Riley (12) Maddi (15) Jen (not telling) and Grace (11)
Grace has a beautiful voice, but no one can bring out her voice like Amy did while she was in the choir. As a mom, that gets so frustrating. I want her to be strong in her voice, and her confidence. Yet, as much as she sings out on her violin all the cajoling in the world won’t get her to turn her voice up on stage. I cannot force it. That would defeat the purpose of my real intention here: not to have my kids on stage, but to have my kids be prepared for the large stage of life.
I want my tweens to recognize that no matter what happens in their lives, they can face the music. I hope they learn that if they are struggling and want to kick their legs up and quit they can make it just one more verse. I yearn for them to recognize the beauty of sharing their gifts with others. I long for them to connect with each other, their community, and their world. I know that this time is precious. In a few years, the leg kick may be three teenagers kicking me out of the band. But for now I am enjoying the music, the music makers, and the true connection I know we have through our music. Through strings, rosin, bows, and picks, we are learning to play nice, and face the music……together.
Next Time on the Tween Chronicles: A tween takes flight.
Jen Slayden is a long time Missoulian who thrives in the chaos of being a mother of three while also being a Certified Life Coach, musician and educator. She enjoys writing about all of life’s little lessons on her blog, which you can find at www.bigskylifecoach.com .
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Love this! Wish my family had grown up together as musicians. Sounds wonderful.
Oh Jen, you relate so beautifully to parenting this age group. There are such wonderful, frustrating moments. This one brings tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for writing it!
Great article as usual Jen. And I know what you mean about your children sharing their gifts. I learned long ago, they don’t perform on demand!!!!!!
it is so fun to see the musical legend live on through our children. Someday our kids will understand how lucky they were to grow up in our crazy musical family! Nice peice, sis!
Love this story Jen!! What a wonderful way to bond with your kids!!
You guys ROCK!!!!!! <3 Your Massachusetts Fan Club
Thanks for sharing this Jen!
Please let me know when you are performing and I can bring family to listen!
My brother says that music is the language of the limbic system…..and there you are, giving your kids a healthy way to communicate (kicks aside).
Bravo!
Beth
Awesome, Jen!! Loved every bit of it! Maybe Cade, Logan and Ben should start another family rock band!!! I can only imagine…..:)
I grew up in a musical family as well. Making music together is one of my fondest childhood memories! I especially remember the amazing NON-verbal communication that happened as we were singing and playing together. When I am feeling stressed, down, or all together thrilled with life, I will bust out in song… Much to my tween and teens amusement and occasional dismay! Thanks for sharing, Jen.
Jen, you are amazing. As are your kids. It was such a privilege to work with Riley and Grace for two years — maybe Cade is the next Coyote in your family? I love hearing more about this family story, having been a witness to it for a while. I can’t wait to hear the Blue Mountain Music Makers again soon, and hear both Riley and Grace sing again. What a gift you are to them, and all of you are to Missoula!
Wow jen, this is a wonderful article. I so appreciate your love of family, music and life. You are giving your children such amazing life gifts – what an inspiration. I can hardly wait to hear you all play.
WOW! I love the before and now shots of Grace and Maddi…and, as a sibling in a family that sings and plays together, (at too far apart reunions)I can say that it is one of the richest connections we have…still in our 50s and 60s! And, as the mother of 20 somethings, I know they are soooo going to appreciate this gift from you when they are older. Lovely piece, Jen!
Great article…What a priveilege knowing your family and watching them grow through the years into the great kids they are today. Love you
Awesome, that’s just what I was looking for! You just saved me alot of digging around