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By Jen Slayden
Maybe it is the fact that I have heard the expression “Yo Dawg” frequently in conversation this last year. Or perhaps it is that my newbie tween is starting to grow a bit of hair on his upper lip. Not enough to shave, but enough for this keen mom to notice. Could it be because my daughter and her friends have their own code of coolness that I call Tween Dogma? Whatever it may be, I am noticing an uncanny resemblance lately to my older children and the family lab Cody.
Labs are incredibly social. They don’t like to be alone very often, and they may get themselves into trouble if you do leave them by themselves. My tweens so far are enjoying the little bits of controlled freedom (the cell phone is always close at hand, as are the neighbors). So far, no one has gotten into trouble.
Grace is a social creature. I am seeing her coming and going these days, as her network of friends and important agendas of sleep-overs expands. The social circle, according to tween dogma, no longer includes moms. I saw this first-hand last week on a field trip I was asked to attend with her class. I asked her to save me a seat on the bus. She inquisitively asked “You are riding the bus? Can’t you just drive and meet us there?” I realized, at that moment, that the leash was getting longer, not because I was releasing it, but because she was tugging on it. With my tail between my legs, I drove.
I know that Labs tend to be smart and very energetic. Cody shows his energy every day. If he sees any of us putting on what he perceives to be running shoes he is in our face panting. My tweens show their intelligence and energy by putting on running shoes and running as far away as possible when I ask them to do their chores. Perhaps if I strategically placed chocolate or money in the laundry piles more work would ensue?
Our lab is even-tempered for the most part, but can, occasionally be territorial. My tweens have that trait too. They both tend to be gentle in nature, but every once in a while I have heard what might be construed as a growl when bedrooms are walked into unannounced. The same territorial behavior happens with place-backs on the couch, or time on the computer, or even alone time with mom or dad.
Labs are trained easily and are good with children. My tweens are good with children, just not always their little brother. Children are amazing learners. Although some of the life training lessons I try to convey to my children sometimes appear to be ignored, I hold out hope that they really are learning by repetition.
Sporadically, Cody bothers me. He gets into things, has ruined many of my favorite hats by chewing them to pieces, doesn’t always listen, and barks excessively. I am embarrassed to admit that my tweens sometimes bother me. When I was a new mom, I never could imagine being irritated with my children- until they were old enough to know better, anyway. As my children have grown and become more independent, a few pet peeves have emerged. The biggest one is written into tween dogma. “I am going to ask this question at least ten times before I listen to your answer, mom.” I can even look them into their eye when replying, but apparently, the code holds true. Even if they may have heard the answer, the are not allowed to stop asking the question until they have repeated it at least ten times. Ugh!
Cody loves to eat. A continuous beggar beneath our dinner table, he would constantly overeat if we let him. Riley and Grace are on an eating marathon right now….we cannot keep food in the house and weekly trips to Costco have become the norm. Ironically, when they don’t like what I cook they aren’t hungry anymore. Now that one I understand. I had the same issues around my family table thirty years ago!
I did not grow up with dogs…just siblings who acted like dogs occasionally. Puppies are deceptively cute, but I had no idea what it was like to be responsible for a pet. Like love at first sight, the day I brought home our first puppy I was thinking more on an emotional level, and not so much a practical one.
I learned many valuable lessons in those first years as I fumbled my way through being a mod (mother of a dog.) Three children and two dogs later I am STILL learning. Nevertheless, I am ever so thankful for our trusty family lab and the bits of wisdom I can glean from him.
The best thing, though, about our family dog? He loves the children. He accepts them and is never irritated with them. He loves to play with them, especially fetch. They love him back, and always have someone in whom to confide. I think Cody understands the tween dogma code, because I have seen my children look at him with puppy dog eyes when they are upset, and he makes them feel better.
I love Cody for that. I also love that he is a great retriever. For when the tweens lose their way or start to stray I will lace up those shoes my dog loves. Together we will run after those wanderers and I will ask him to fetch. He will obey with glee, and since he knows how to win their hearts they will gladly follow him home.
Jen Slayden is a long time Missoulian who thrives in the chaos of being a mother of three while also being a Certified Life Coach, musician and educator. She enjoys writing about all of life’s little lessons on her blog, which you can find at www.bigskylifecoach.com .
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Tween dogma! Isn’t that the truth? All those unwritten rules I remember trying to navigate. And isn’t it fortunate that no matter how adults go in an out of style for kids, dogs get (and give) a free pass.
[...] TWEEN CHRONICLE TUESDAY on Mamalode! How many of you can relate to this one? http://www.mamalode.com/2010/05/tween-chronicles-dogma/ Explore posts in the same categories: Big on: Animals, Big on: Raising kids, Life Coach [...]
Ahhh
Tween Dogma……that is great!
I can completely relate to the bus-snub …… we are definitely not “cool” in tweenville !!
Love your Posts!
Beth
Love it! Can’t wait until it’s my turn to learn the unspoken rules of Tween Dogma!!
Great comparisons!! Dogs have such a personality. And they’re great company when the tweens become teens and are away more often!